First post!
Saturday, January 2, 2010 // 5:10 AM
I'll start off by introducing myself. My name is
Gianna Burton, I'm 23 years old and I just moved from LA to Denver. I'm not going to bore you by telling you how much I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain.
I'm using this blog as an online diary AND a way to talk to others about experiences I've had, answer questions and give advice on... well
sex!
I really don't know where I should start, there are so many experiences I'd love to talk about but since this is my first post, I guess I will write about my
first time.
I was brought up with catholic parents and of course catholic beliefs. I wasn't allowed to date until 17, even then my parents had to approve of him if we wanted to go out. When I was growing up, I was okay with the way I was being raised, but within the first few weeks of high school I began to think for myself. My parents and I didn't ever see eye to eye from there on out. That lead me to a life of, I guess you can say, rebellion. My entire life before that was dictated by my father, who seemed to hate anything that showed I wasn't a child anymore. Even as a child he was overprotective.
“Won't you ever learn!? That is how we grew up Gigi, that is how we are raising you and that is what we expect from you.”
That is all my mother would ever say. Once my 18th birthday rolled around, I confronted my parents and was hoping they would understand that I wasn't happy and I wanted to be treated as an adult.
Unfortunately, that wasn't in their plans for me. I moved into a small apartment in downtown LA and the rest is history. I never had any freedoms, I was always so confined in this glass box... my parents place, my all girls catholic school! It was time for me to feel free! Even though I wasn't living with them any longer... I was comfortable with the thought of waiting till marriage. That was of course... till i met Scott.
Halloween wasn't ever "celebrated" in my household and it was drawing near... so being out on my own, I was going to make it a night to remember. I went out with Amy (my roommate) and her older brother Scott in search for a costume and I ended up settling with a catholic school girl outfit.
Oh the irony! Scott thought it would be amusing and well... this outfit would cause my parents to shudder in their sleep. All Hallows Eve finally came... and I was SO nervous. I had never dressed this way, none the less in public! Amy had already left and had sent Scott to come pick me up on his way to the party. The doorbell rang, I opened the door and I was amazed at shocked expression this Dracula had on his face. I had never seen him look at me that way, I have to admit... I loved every moment of it. The car ride was silent almost the entire way there, Scott turned and looked at me every other minute, it was exhilarating... I always was attracted to him, I mean, WHO WOULDN'T BE? But something about the way he was looking at me sent chills down my spine and I wanted him.
I didn't really know anyone at the party, not to mention it was hard to figure out who I did know with all the masks and painted faces everywhere. I was standing up against a wall, just watching all the bodies just swaying when I felt a warm touch on my shoulders. I looked over and it was Scott... and he was just staring into my eyes. He grabbed my hand and took me out into the crowd. We danced, but goodness, dancing had never made me feel this way. Our bodies were touching and his hands were on my hip as I twirled around him. The whole time... he kept his eyes on me and I couldn't help but feel what I felt. Was it love that I was feeling? I became so sensitive to his touch and as he grabbed me closer to hold me... I then knew what that strange feeling was... it was
lust. We danced for what seemed to last hours, when he leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek, and then whispered into my ear: "Its getting late, how about I take you home". It was nearly 3am and the party hadn't shown any signed of slowing down. I was exhausted and I couldn't wait to get back home and relax.
"Did you have fun?" Scott asked as we drove back home. I had an extraordinary night and I wasn't sure I wanted it to end. "It was amazing" I said as I smiled back at him. He gave a light chuckle and put his hand on my leg. "I'm glad you had a good time". We talked about the night, just laughing and talking excitedly. It was one of those moments you see in movies where you can see them in the car having a good time but can only hear the music in the background. He kept his hand on my leg the entire car ride home, gently moving his hand side to side. He finally came out with it, he told me that he liked me and i told him... that I really liked him too. I knew that he was no where as
innocent as I was and I felt that would be a problem for him. I had never kissed a man, a real kiss and I had never thought of sex before marriage. I told him that I had never done anything and I was really nervous about anything that would come out of telling each other our feelings. He just smirked at me and told me to trust him.
We finally got to the apartment and there were plenty of people still on the streets, most of them were drunk. As I was getting out of the car Scott ran out to help me out and make sure I got in safely. It was really cold and I could see him shivering from the cold. I couldn't bear making him drive all the way to his place in this weather. I asked him to stay a while and have some hot chocolate. We walked inside and Amy wasn't any home. She loved to party and I knew she probably wasn't coming home tonight especially if she had been drinking. I walked into my room to change into some warmer clothes. I took off my outfit and looked into my closet to find a shirt to wear. When I came out of the closet Scott was sitting on the chair I have next to my bed.
"Can we talk for a bit?"
I quickly grabbed the pajama pants I had laying on the floor and put them on. I couldn't believe he just let himself into my room and just practically half naked, granted I had less clothes on at the party. I was so
embarrassed and wasn't sure to either or not to be mad at him for coming in like that. He noticed a change in my mood almost immediately. He told me that he was sorry and that I should be embarrassed. I couldn't help but blush. He was really good at making me feel better about myself and the way he was looking at me was sending chills down my body. I walked nervously to my bed and sat at the edge closest to him.
"We've known each other almost a year now, right?" He asked.
"Around eight months."
He sighed.
"Well for the last six months... I've wanted to tell you something G."
My heart was racing and those butterflies in my stomach were in ecstasy.
"In the car I said that I liked you and I think that you don't understand how much I do."
I looked down and smiled. I didn't want him to see how truly happy I was to hear him say that. I just wanted to like scream from the excitement.
He leaned over to kiss me... I don't know what came over me but I moved away. Again, I had never had an actual kiss and I didn't want to blow it by not living up to his expectations of me!
He jumped back as if he was startled.
"Oh my God, I'm sorry. I didn't--"
I cut him off before he said anything else.
"No, Its just.. I'm just nervous"
He gave me this smirk that just made me melt. I wanted him so bad, sitting there next to him made it harder to resist him. I mean, I have morals! I don't want to give myself to someone I don't love, who doesn't love me... but, whats the harm in one kiss? That's all I would let it be...
a kiss.
I relax and let him lean in this time. Our lips finally meet in a coupling of soft lips and mixed feelings. He gave out a light chuckle as he pulled away and suddenly he leaned towards me again, but this time when he kissed me it wasn't as soft as before. He had put a lot of his weight on me and was kissing me harder. I wasn't sure what was going on. My mind was racing. I wasn't sure if I was even actually enjoying it... I felt his hand slowly go up from my knee to my thigh. I had to push him off. I just glared at him, I had no words to say. He knew my beliefs and knew I wasn't ready for anything more.
He sighed as he walked out of the room. Didn't say one word to me... How could I let myself be that vulnerable with him? I felt so stupid for thinking that he would be alright with just a kiss. I laid down on my bed, staring angrily at the ceiling. I got a text from Amy, I thought that Scott had revealed to her everything that had happened that night. "I'll be home tomorrow afternoon! Sorry I didn't text you earlier. @ Robs!". It was only 4:30 in the morning, it felt like hours had gone by since Scott walked out of the room. I had calmed down since then but the kiss was still on my mind. Despite all the negative feelings I was having about the kiss... I couldn't help but want his soft lips on mine again. I wasn't sure what was coming over me but I think I finally realized how badly I wanted him, but that didn't mean I was ready for everything. I looked at my clock and it was blank. The power had gone out... again. I wasn't surprised, living in an old apartment complex, the power going out wasn't something new.
I heard some rustling in the living room that reminded me that I wasn't alone. I sat there wishing, praying, He wasn't coming to my room. If I already had wanted him this bad... I knew that if he came into my room, that feeling, that lust, would just escalate and I wasn't sure if I wanted that. I kept reminding myself that it wasn't right and that I shouldn't let anything happen but then I heard a knock on the door.
"Hey G you awake?"
FUCK, I knew it. I wasn't sure what I should do. I laid there quietly seeing if that would make him go away, but I could tell that he was still at my door.
"G? The power went out..."
"I know."
"Can I come in?"
"If you want."
The door opens and I can't help but think how big of a mistake this was. I had just kicked him out of my room, how was he in my room again?! Fuck, this wasn't helping my situation. Feeling him near me was making me so anxious. I knew I had wanted him but how could I want something so bad when I wasn't even sure if anything we'd done already was alright? "Jesus, Gianna. It was just a kiss." Is what I kept telling myself. Why was I making a big deal out of a kiss?
"I'm really sorry about earlier. I wasn't thinking clearly... I had had a few drinks at the--"
"It's fine..." I cut him off before he said more. It was fine as long as he never left. I didn't want him to leave. I wanted to jump into his arms and feel safe and warm. He laid next to me on my bed and I leaned my head onto his shoulder. He put his chin on my head and I could feel him breathing, I could feel his warmth... God he smelled good. I heard him take a deep breath in, smelling my hair. Maybe it was the cold, but something about being in his arms sent chills down my spine and caused me to shiver.
"Shit, You must be really cold. Come here." He wrapped his arms around me and I felt the top of his hands grazing my breasts. I let out a jagged sigh and tried to remind my self of the previous event but at this point.. I didn't care. I was happy that he seemed to want to take care of me. He grabbed the blankets and made sure we were both covered. We just laid there intertwined in the blankets, holding each other. And I was happy.
Next thing I know the sun is rising up. I had completely forgotten all the events of the night until I saw that Scott as still holding me. We must have fallen asleep in each others arms, not for long though since it was only sunrise. I turned to face him and just squeezed him, I was so happy to be laying next to him. My squeeze woke him up and I couldn't help but smile at him. How did this even happen? I found myself laying next to the only person I've ever felt this way about and it was great. The way he looked into my eyes was enough to take my breath away. He lightly kissed my forehead and played with my hair.
“G, I hope you don't get mad this time”
He kissed me, but this time... I wanted it. I was ready.
Our mouths were locked in what seemed to last forever. He lifted my leg over his as he pulled me closer to him. I shoved my tongue further into his mouth, God I don't know what was coming over me but I was embracing every moment of our kiss. My nails were slightly digging into his back as a dragged then down and he let out this light groan. I felt his dick as he pushed himself closer to me and I don't know why I was so shocked to have felt it but I slid my hand further down his back onto his stomach and down to his waist. He gave a louder
groan and pulled away from our kiss which left us both gasping for air. “Wow” is all I thought. I laid on my back with one knee up just fighting for air when I felt Scott's hand on my inner thigh. He leaned over me and we kissed again, even more passionately than before. My hand was in his hair, tugging and pulling on it as I pulled away from the kiss to move my mouth closer to his ear and I let out this loud moan in pleasure as he slid his hand up and down my thigh. My body ached for more, God his touch was...
intoxicating.
Suddenly he lifted himself off of me and stood up. What was he doing? Did I do something wrong? I felt so insecure, negative thoughts raced through my mind but they were quickly forgotten when I felt his hand on my waist. I looked down at his hand as it disappeared to my back, his other hand following. He raised my body up from the bed a bit and I felt like I was floating in the air. He slid my panties off and placed me back off of cloud nine and back into my bed. All of this was taking me by surprise, but I wasn't about to stop him. He slowly started kissing his way up to my thigh, my heart beating faster with each kiss. He stopped and I looked down, and I nodded my head in approval. God, that's what I wanted, I wanted HIM.
From that point forward he felt like a different person. He started kissing up my thighs and his hands seemed to roam my body more aggressively than before. I felt chills going up my spine and I wanted him to keep going, but I knew that I should stop him. My arms felt like stone, and I was pretty much paralyzed under his touch. His hands slowly slid up to my breasts and began massaging my nipples, taking them softly in between his fingertips and rolling them, then squeezing hard, then rolling them again. His warm hands cupped my cold bosom and I shuddered in ecstasy. My body felt like I was made of stone but my hips rose like feathers to meet his touch when I felt his soft lips touch the lips of my waiting, throbbing pussy. He began to kiss and lick the outer lips of my womanhood and I moaned loudly. As he began to travel deeper into my virgin flower with his tongue, my moans turned from slight gasps and groans to guttural
animalistic sounds that I never thought I could make. I felt incredible! I had no idea anyone could make me feel this way... but I also had no idea what was coming next. His expert tongue found my clit, and he went to town, furiously licking and lapping and sucking at my engorged love button. I had no idea what was going on but I started to shudder and shake uncontrollably, I wanted to moan but nothing came out of my mouth as I arched my back high into the air and wave after wave of the most intense pleasure burned through my virgin body.
I laid on the bed after coming down from having climaxed so hard that I couldn't breathe, and I had no sense of my surroundings, time, or anything else. All I wanted to do is lay and enjoy the throbbing between my legs. It wasn't until I felt the entrance to my love canal being torn in half that I snapped back into reality. I opened my eyes and I saw Scott above me, eyes closed and a strain on his face. What I felt between my legs was a burning fire as he tore through my hymen and proceeded to force his cock where no man had ever been... and where I didn't want any man to go yet! I quickly realized what was happening and I screamed for him to stop. At this point he had already reached the end of my pussy and I was throbbing around his cock in intense pain. His eyes opened wide and he slowly pulled out of me, my pussy closing around every inch. He apologized and rolled over, laying next to me. I felt the blood pouring out of me onto my bed, definitely ruining my designer sheets. But what I felt next is effectively what has made me into the woman that I am. I don't know why, I don't know how, but some part of me didn't feel complete, didn't feel whole without him inside me. My pussy begged to be filled again and I couldn't deny her.
I rolled over on top of Scott and directed his cock to the entrance of my pussy. In a quick second I bury his cock into me. Burying him all the way to the hilt and screaming out half in release that I had something back inside of me and the other half in pure pain. I collapsed on top of him, hoping that I would get used to his incredible size soon. He grabbed my face and began furiously kissing me, taking my mind off of the pain and pleasure mix between my legs. Before I know it I don't care about the pain anymore and I began bouncing up and down on his cock, feeling my pussy collapse around it and then stretching out again while he travels all the way to the end. His hands claw at my breasts and pull at my nipples... Oh god... there's that feeling again... my pussy clenches around his cock and I feel the wetness grow between us, I collapse on top of him again while my body is ravaged by tsunami of waves of pleasure, over and over again. His big arms wrap around me and he rolls me onto my back. Now he has control and he's not letting up, pounding my pussy with his hard, long cock. I can hear myself squishing and moaning and I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm underneath this boy that I barely know, giving myself to him in a way that I've never given myself to any man, in a way that I only planned to give myself to my husband.. what am I doing? But.. Oh no... there's that feeling once again, but this time he's not stopping, he's not stopping while I climax and it's intensifying it ten fold. My fingers dig into his back and I scream out in pure pleasure once again as wave after wave of pleasure washes over my body. He quickens his pace and I knew what was happening next, but I wanted to believe that he wasn't going to... He tells me he's cumming and I beg him not to... not inside of me, shit!
Surprise hits me in the form of his white cum shooting all over my naked body, landing on my stomach, my tits, my face.. Shooting everywhere and it doesn't seem to stop. Finally he stops furiously jerking his dick, and I am once again surprised to feel his hand behind my head, pulling me to him and then stuffing it in my mouth. His cum was bitter and salty, but somehow, I enjoy the taste as I nurse his dwindling cock, cleaning my juices and his off it. He lets go of my head and I fall back to the bed in shock. He climbs off of me, gets dressed and walks out of my room. I hear the front door close as I realize that I was just used... fucken
used for what was between my legs, used for what I was willing to do in response to what my body needed from him.
I didn't even clean myself up. All I could think about was how I didn't feel complete anymore. How I wanted to feel full again, feel another cock inside me... after all that had happened, that was all that was on my mind. How can I feel that same feeling again?
